Is it more “cancel culture?” Or just the extreme left wing of the Democratic party showing their usual criminal tendencies out of spite?
Either way, it’s an upsetting dark stain on the otherwise patriotic gangblast that is CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference in Orlando, Florida. Thousands upon thousands of loyal supporters of disgraced former President Trump have descended upon the City of Oranges and Disneyworld, with a host of white and frightening semi-human politicians like Ted Cruz and Ted Cruz’s only friend ever, Ted Cruz.
Taking center stage and going internet viral is a stunning gold statue of hamburder Hitler Donald Trump, reportedly worth over seventeen dollars, sculpted by professional dog-walker Sandra Batt. An eye witness told Florida police he saw an older gentleman with a dusty fedora making off with the piece.
“The guy was kind of grizzled and thin-eyed and he had a bullwhip in one hand. I saw him approach the idol, fill a burlap bag with sand to approximate it’s weight, and switch it out. Fortunately, he was off by a bit, which triggered the Trump Rolling Security Bitchball after him. The individual outran the ball and made it out the door as several dozen mutant children of Marjorie Taylor Greene chased him with blowdarts. I think he escaped by aircraft.”
Security chief Miles O’Brien gave only the brief comment : “I told you idiots we should have surrounded it with snakes” to media sources.
So far, there has been no contact from the statue’s abductors but investigators are convinced that a future demand for ransom will come soon, since that’s the kind of thing liberals are known to do.
It’s yet another depressing sign of the corruption that’s become endemic with the left, more theft and disrespect for a failed former President who stained the country with treasonous incitement. At least he got all over that horrible vape crisis though.