Speaking from the veranda of the Joe Barron Presidential building in Washington, D.C. yesterday, commander in chief-elect Joe Biden went over his newest pet project for his first one hundred days in office.
Citing difficulties with a growing number of senior citizens becoming unable to distinguish reality from fiction and wasting their savings on scams, unnecessary knick knacks, and donations to fat, stupid con men, Biden explained he was adding more safety to a safety net program.
“Folks, social security is supposed to function as a promise during your retirement, one made from yourself, when you were younger. That promise is that you won’t end up penniless and eating dog food after a life of good, honest hard work. Seeing so many of our elderly friends sending money to Trump for his frivolous lawsuits and his cartoon wall and knowing it’s just lining his fart-smelling pockets – it’s unacceptable.”
The New President for the next four years clarified that he is the leader of all Americans, caring even for those who believed nonsense on the internet and used it as reasoning to vote for his opponent who was the most murderously negligent President in all of history.
The vouchers will be sent out on the same schedule as the check deposits were in the past and will reflect the same amount. However, each voucher will only be valid for use with food, household and automotive items, rental payments, and once a year, a nice bottle of Mogen David.
Any recipient found guilty of fraudulently using their voucher for an unapproved purchase will be immediately jailed at Guantanamo Bay.
Biden’s vouchers will begin being issued early next year, with Nancy Pelosi’s still Democratic Congress expected to overwhelmingly approve of its implementation.
There’s a new sheriff in town, and he wants to make absolutely sure that even gullible trumptards don’t end up crying over evaporated milk.